Missing
by Kataanglover138
Summary: Ty Lee's thoughts about her new life, and her reflection on her old. One-shot. Mostly emotion based.


Missing. Not missing, as in 'cannot be found'; missing, as in, the times you wish you were with someone. To miss: it's defined as a wanting, a craving of something that is not there. But, it's so much more than that.

When you miss someone, all you feel is pain. You can be the happiest person in the world, and yet you still feel so much pain from missing someone that you can feel dead inside. Most missing isn't this extreme, but it can be. I guess that's what a 'soul mate' is for.

I miss; I miss a lot. But mostly, I miss my circus days. My friends were amazing. I was having the time of my life. Don't get me wrong, I love the Kyoshi warriors; they treat me like a sister. But some nights, I miss my old friends so much that I can't sleep. They send me letters, telling me all about the new places they visit, and the new people that have joined, but it's not the same.

I remember nights with my best friend, Xixi. We were so close. She was like me, a gymnast and acrobatic, but she also worked with the animals. We would spend hours, running through the towns we stopped in, seeing who could get away with the worst pranks without getting caught. We once spent a whole night awake, the night before a big performance, because we were so excited (we were also a little hyped up on cactus juice, but that's another story). And once, we accidentally soaked a boy in a river near the town we were staying at. He didn't see us playing in the water, and fell from where he had been fishing, perched on a log, when we startled him.

It's been over a year now, since I last saw her. She has a fiancé now. His name is Zhen, and she's so in love. I'm very surprised; she always said she didn't want to get married. It makes me wonder what kind of man could have changed her mind. I'm planning on visiting over the next vacation the warriors give me, but that will only happen after the majority of the rebellions have settled. Zuko sends us to quell many of them, while he and Aang work with the other political officials on the _inner workings_ of politics. Bleh! Glad I don't have to do that. It sounds so boring.

Anyways, I'm lying awake right now, in my bed, re-reading all of the old letters. I have a painting, tucked away under my pillow. Xixi and I had a day off, and we found this small painter on the outskirts of a small town near Ba Sing Se. He painted us, right on the spot we were standing, and gave it to us without asking for payment. Of course I refused, but he wouldn't listen. So that night, we snuck into his house and left a pouch of coins on his bedside table. That was the most fun we've had in years, because we almost got caught. _Almost. _

I miss those days, those memories, being there with her. And Shri, Shri was another good friend of mine. In fact, we were bunk mates. 4 people bunked in each tent, and we were always supposed to help each other keep track of our belongings as we moved from town to town. Shri always woke so early, I'm more of a night person. The cool midnight air just makes me feel free. We were the best of friends. We fought _a lot_, but we also knew that we cared about each other so much, that we'd never let go.

Shri and I would always go to play's together. Every chance we could, we watched. Shri was the camp cook, well, assistant cook. She loves food, and everything that comes from it. She stopped Circus life a few months ago, and now owns her own restaurant in Omashu. I went there a few weeks ago, as the warriors passed through. As always, her food is amazing.

Great, now I'm crying. Why does missing hurt so much. I love my friends here, but I also want to be out there with them too. I had some of the best experiences of my life as a so-called 'circus freak'. I was loved. Although, I guess I still am. Why can't we live in two places at once, or three, or four. That would be amazing. If only.

I think I'm going to open the window, the air will feel good. Yeah, that's better. Wow, the stars are so pretty. I wonder if Xixi or Shri are looking at the stars now. The stars link us together; they are the same no matter how far away we are. I can always look up into them, and feel safe.

Aang has always said I may have air bender blood in me. I guess this is why. I hate being trapped by the laws of this world. I hope that I'll be able to see everyone at once, when we are in the spirit world. We should find each other then. I hope.

The star light has me thinking about the circus again. It wasn't all fun and games, you know. We had our hard times too. But those hard times brought us together, each time we grew even closer. They sparkle like those ashes. Once, wind picked up thousands of ashes from the large bon-fire in the center of our camp. 3 people were blinded that day, but luckily no one died. Everyone waited outside the healer's tent for hours, waiting for any news. When it finally came, we were all so relieved. Their blindness was only temporary.

After that, we were all much more careful, and much closer. We realized that the hardest thing would be to lose one of us forever. No one had even considered it possible until then. I don't know what I would do if I found I'd lost one of them, or any of my friend for that matter.

Wonderful! Here come the 'water-works' again. At least the fresh breeze removes some of the pain. Why does it hurt so much to miss? They are all happy, and yet, I cannot be happy for them. No, I am happy for them. Then what is it that hurts so much? Just not being there, not being a part of their lives? That is so selfish though. Is it selfish to miss someone?

I can't be selfish, only happy. I am happy. I am happy that they have both found wonderful new lives, along with many others. I am happy that I have great friends and a new family now. I will miss, but I won't let the pain absorb me. It is not the missing that is selfish. It is allowing the pain of missing to overcome you; that is what is selfish.

I think it's time for me to sleep. I'll write another letter in the morning. Maybe I can ask Suki for an early vacation. I'll see them soon, I can feel it.

Xxx Xxx Xxx

**My take on Ty Lee's new life. It kind of stems from my feelings about stuff right now, but I'm not going to go into that now. Let me know what you think. I hope you enjoyed it. **


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